thestarvingfatlady

Spare Change

Spare Change

Redundancy scares me. I feel like if I get into a pattern of routine, then I’m predictable and once predictable, people then figure me out. Not that I avoid being figured out, but I feel that if I’m predictable, too predictable, people can use that against me. My mom is a person of routine. Has […]

Sweet Morsel of Magic

Have you ever had a large meal and after eating it, your stomach protruded and literally hurt from fullness? Did that fullness make you feel so uncomfortable that you couldn’t sit still, you couldn’t lay down, you couldn’t move without feeling miserable and you wouldn’t dare think about putting another bite of food in your […]

Consistent Inconsistencies Part 2 FINAL

Do you ever over-explain yourself because you feel like people don’t get it or get you? It’s true, though. I see the look on some people’s faces and I think to myself, “This person doesn’t get it and if they do they are as blank as an unwritten check.” There are emotions in me I […]

What’s Up, Doc?

On Friday, March 29th, 2019 I arrived at my first appointment for gastric bypass surgery after attending the seminar in December. I haven’t told but a handful of people that I was thinking about surgery for weight loss. I feel like surgery is the easy way out. In some ways it makes me feel like […]

Damaged Dysfunction Part 2 – Final

I leave therapy that day angry and agitated mostly because I know she’s right.

Addiction is the Devil

How dare he be so selfish! How dare he shorten his time from us. How dare he expect US to take away from OUR lives to take care of him in his final days…

What is this?

How do you explain to others that you just want to curl up and die but you don’t want to be dead? The thought of death is simply just wanting things to go away without having to explain why. I want to climb down into a hole and be left alone but I don’t want […]

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Prime my subconscious, one hint at a time

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How To Not Hate My Husband

Experiments and thoughts on how not to hate my husband after his 2+ year affair with my best friend (ex)