Archive | May 2015

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Mommy Dearest

15 years old. The blood from my nose runs into my mouth as I stand talking to the police officer while in handcuffs. I spit blood as I yell, “I didn’t do anything!!!” It’s no use. I’m headed back to jail. I turn and look back at my mom and yell, “Fuck you, you controlling […]

Losing Weight Is More Than Being Healthy

First and foremost, let me apologize to you, my readers. I took a last-minute trip out-of-town and didn’t prepare to stay as long, thus missing a blog. So let’s get this started shall we?    “Tonia. Are you paying attention?” I snap to. I look at my doctor blankly. “Could I really lose my feet?” He […]

Preparing To Die

  I wake up from a restless sleep struggling to breathe. I get up to use the restroom and decide that I should take a shower. You know, just in case the paramedics have to come. I want to be sure I’m clean before they have to revive me. I put pills on my night stand […]

Past Life

In the search for myself, I often wonder what I was like in a past life. Do you believe that your past life shapes the life you have now? Enter: Soul Searching. I’d like to think that I was a descendant of Alice Ivers. A poker playin’,  cigar smokin’, witty old woman. Yeah. That sounds […]

The Devil Made Me Do It

The demons are coming out of the bag and I couldn’t be happier. Opening my crusty eyes, my head pounds. I try to lift my head from the pillow but it’s been replaced with what feels like a cinder block. I look to my left and there lies a handsome man. I’m not sure of […]

Living With Anxiety

I get in my car and drive to the store. As I open the car door, my heart starts to pound heavily. I look at the people walking in and out and I start to slowly skip breaths.  I dart my eyes around the parking lot as I head in and see several people sitting […]

The Case of The What Ifs

What if I can’t let go of the what ifs? I am the poster child of what ifs. I live my life by it. Try to stay with me for a moment while I invite you into my thought process of panic created by what if. Son: “Mom, I’m going out. Can I take the car?” […]

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