Four. One. Two. Not dollars. Not calories. Not the number of times I have hit the snooze button on a Monday morning but POUNDS! When I stepped off the scale and turned to look at the petite nurse I about fell over. The only thing stopping me was the fact there was no way in hell this little thing was going to absorb my fall. How did this happen? Well no, I know HOW this happened but WHEN? I bet it was that time I did the juicing diet for a week and then cheated by adding ice cubes to make me feel fuller. Yes. It was the ice cubes. Aside from the 4 slices of pizza and 2 king-sized candy bars that “ONE” night, I can’t imagine when this happened!
I am a small town girl (small TOWN, not GIRL) who loves her food. Fast food, Soul food, Mexican food, Chinese food, OLD FOOD, NEW FOOD, GROSS FOOD. I. Love. Food. Hello, my name is Tonia and I am addicted to food. *insert sarcasm* I get so pissed when I drive by a Dairy Queen and see all those skinny people with their skinny kids and their skinny dogs in their skinny cars ordering their skinny cones and mini blizzards. My DQ conversation goes like this:
Hello welcome to Dairy Queen, may I take your order?
Yes, I would like the large Oreo blizzard, a Peanut Buster Parfait and …..a large water. Oh! And a corn dog.
Is that all?
Oh God I hope so.
I slowly roll up to the window and the sweet, young cashier peeks into my car. Yes. It is only me. Take my money so I can roll over to the grocery store parking lot and eat away my shame.
I started this blog because I am tired of living my lie. I tell myself that I am still 130 pounds and try to convince the world along with me. People tell me, “You don’t ACT like you’re 412 pounds.” Really? Oh thank God! I mean, am I supposed to be bed ridden? Walk around with a Twinkie in my mouth…mmmm…Twinkie. How does a 412 pound person…..act? I will venture on. I will make goals and lifestyle changes. I will cry, bitch, moan, laugh and have excuses. Most importantly I will have you, my dear readers. My supporters. My bashers. My fatties. My lifeline.
So there you have it, my honesty on a plate. With potatoes and creamed corn.